Divorce, final and unfortunate as it is, is at times inevitable. It gets even more complicated when kids are involved, but parents can make the transition smooth if they tried. Most kids blame themselves when their parents break the news, and it is upon you to assure them that your predicament will not change your dedication to them.
These simple guidelines will make the process much easier for them.
Break the News Together
Since you are both grown, you can manage to break the news to your child together. You want as much as [possible, to avoid blaming each other or seeming like anything but a united front. They will need assurance that the two of you will always keep them first regardless of your living arrangements. You want to explain this to them depending on their age so that they fully understand what is happening.
They will certainly have varied reactions – some will ask lots of questions right away while others will take it all in slowly. You want to encourage them to speak to you and also, to monitor their reactions either at home or school so you know how to help them cope. If they are not ready to talk about it, give them space and time.
Depending on your child’s age, they will want to air their feelings. You want to let them know it is okay to be sad and to talk about their dad – or mom. You want to avoid being an emotional wreck in front of them as that may hinder them from expressing their true emotions. If they want to speak to their dad on the phone, let them, even though it may not be your best moment. This moment is all about the kids and what helps them get over the process.
Find a Support System
My friend, a Toronto GST Lawyer by profession, is in the middle of a divorce and being the tax season, work demands that she is fully invested. Even though she wanted to be there for her kid at all times to cushion them from the effects of the process, she hasn’t been able to. Even though they could not completely match her presence, she had her parents amazing step in and hold the little girl’s through it whenever she couldn’t be there and it all worked out beautifully. You will never regret having your loved ones close when you need them.
Additionally, you want someone to talk to seeing as you spend most of your time pretending to be okay for the sake of your children. Find an adult that truly understands and is interested in talking about your emotions.
This is not the best time to neglect yourself physically or emotionally. Hit the gym or yoga or go for a run to keep your system strong and fit. Also, check what you eat as most of us are likely to fall off the wagon and binge on unhealthy treats.
Try as much as possible to stay sane. The storm shall pass.