Don’t ignore changes in your sex life
If a couple are happy, their sex life tends to be happy, too. And the same is true in reverse. When sexual patterns change suddenly, gradually, or intermittently, it is generally a sign that something else is going on.
The problem may be psychological. Work, money, kids or, of course, infidelity can have a direct effect on a couple’s interest in sex. Happy couples are confident enough to boldly discuss these changes. In addition, sex is also a good barometer of physical health.
Sexual problems can be a side effect of medication, depression or menopause, but they can also be the first indication of underlying conditions. Some problems, such as vaginal dryness or irritation, can be solved with over-the-counter lubricants. Other issues are more complex. Either way, happy couples know that ignoring problems is not an effective way of solving anything.
Don’t withhold sex as a punishment
Happy couples know that good sex is the glue that binds them together and they recognize the importance of preserving that connection, regardless of what is happening in other areas of their life. They also usually don’t shy away from including some elements of joy for arousal (those interested can learn more online) to add more fun and spice up their sex life that eventually would make their bond stronger.
Successful couples understand that if physical intimacy is a form of communication, withholding it speaks volumes, too. When one half of a couple refuses, avoids or denies sex, they are sending their partner a message.
Sometimes the message is a passive aggressive expression of rejection but, more often than not, it is an attempt to exercise control. If a person feels rejected, withholding sex is their payback. If they feel hurt, it is their defence. If they feel threatened, it is their protection. Whatever the motivation, withholding sex is an attention-seeking strategy. Rejection rarely elicits an apology or motivates a spurned partner to seek resolution. Instead, withholding sex destabilises the emotional equilibrium and the longer the impasse lasts, the bigger the gulf it creates.
Talk and communicate about sex, no matter how long you’ve been together
Couples, especially but not exclusively new couples, often avoid talking about sexual preferences because they lack confidence; no one wants to come across as demanding and they want their partner, especially a new partner, to think that they are “good in bed”. One way to combat this issue might be by sharing various DATING SEX TAPES that could help your partner understand what you may prefer in bed. This could also be considered a starting point to have conversations related to sex.
It is an error of judgment that can have long-term consequences because research shows that couples who are anxious about sexual disclosure have less frequent and less satisfying sex.
Research at the University of New Brunswick in 2011 found that the average adult knows only about a quarter of the things their partner finds sexually distasteful. By contrast, happy couples are distinguished by the ease with which they can talk to each other about their sexual likes and dislikes.
The research also proposes that couples who find it easy to talk about sex achieve greater sexual and relationship satisfaction in two different ways. First, they educate each other about their sexual preferences, and, second, they increase intimacy and heighten sexual satisfaction through expressive disclosure. In order to achieve this, they might invest in a new sex machine for themselves and take their sexual intimacy forward or explore new ways where they can rekindle the spark that has dwindled down.
Timing is important, of course. Happy couples don’t bark instructions at each other during intercourse. Instead, they tend to discuss sex within the context of other, more neutral, conversations. This helps to make talking about sex less “loaded”, less accusatory and less overwhelming.
Don’t drink too much alcohol
Alcohol is both pleasure and poison. However, in moderation it is, I would argue, an enormously beneficial social lubricant for couples who have not seen each other all day.
Alcohol makes it easier to relax and connect with your partner, so it is often easier to broach difficult subjects when you have had a drink. Alcohol also helps to boost confidence and decrease inhibition, so it increases rather than decreases the opportunity for sex.
However, although one or two glasses of wine can boost female arousal in particular, in excess, it has a deleterious effect on both personality and performance.
Too many people depend on alcohol to give them confidence to have sex. Getting naked and having sex can be intimidating and sometimes we use alcohol to mask shyness. Happy couples know that if they only ever have sex when they have had a few drinks, they miss out on a sexual connection that comes when both perception and sensation are crystal clear.
That second bottle of wine makes it more difficult to get aroused and sustain an erection. Alcohol dulls sensation, which makes it harder for women, in particular, to achieve orgasm.
Don’t ignore other problems that could arise if your partner drinks a lot. In a study of “risky sexual behaviour among married alcoholic men”, the proportion of alcoholic men who reported one or more extramarital affairs in the previous year (14 per cent) was significantly higher than that of the community sample (4 per cent).
Needless to say, happy couples enjoy a tipple but they prefer the natural high of sex with each other to the artificial high of alcohol.
Non-sexual touch is important
Happy couples place as much emphasis on non-sexual forms of physical affection, such as hugging, hand holding, or massaging, as they do on sex itself. This is why they also often consider looking into various resources (available on sites similar to yesjustlikethat.com) to learn more methods of keeping each other satisfied, physically as well as emotionally.
Physical contact and sexual arousal are obviously very closely linked but touching has physiological effects. Touch encourages the production of the “feel-good” neurotransmitter serotonin, as well as the “bonding” hormone oxytocin, so it makes people feel relaxed and happy, and generally contributes to a sense of wellbeing.
Touch is also an extremely important form of emotional communication. Research conducted at DePauw University in 2009 found that specific types of touch can infer emotions such as anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, sympathy, happiness and sadness.
It has also shown that touch is more effective than verbal support at reducing harmful effects of stress such as elevated blood pressure, cortisol levels and heart rate. A study conducted at Brigham Young University in Utah in 2011 to investigate whether “warm touch” could influence physiological stress systems, found that daily touching led to an increase in salivary oxytocin and a reduction of alpha-amylase, which is a biomarker for stress in both partners. Husbands in the group also had significantly lower blood pressure.
Take care of your appearance
One of the nice things about being in a committed relationship is that you can slob around in your pyjamas watching telly, but you shouldn’t let it all hang out. If you stop making an effort, you give your partner permission to do the same, and that doesn’t have quite the same appeal. Happy couples know that when they invest in their appearance, they invest in their sex life.
A wealth of research has demonstrated that people who are content with their bodies are less likely to monitor, or evaluate, their bodies during sex. They also experience fewer sexual difficulties and have higher levels of sexual satisfaction.
Research conducted at Florida Atlantic University in 2004 and 2008 found that people who were physically fit also have more frequent sex, feel more desirable and experience greater sexual satisfaction.
Exercise also boosts libido and improves circulation, which aids sexual function. It tones you up as well, which makes you feel more confident about getting your kit off.